“Should we break up?” It’s a tough question to ask and a hard decision for anyone to make, especially these days. More and more people now believe that certain common problems that were once seen as deal breakers including infidelity, infertility, and mental illness, can be overcome if your overall values align and you have mutual respect. It’s important to remember: Breakups are not always just one person’s fault, and it’s valuable to know when your bond is at its breaking point. According to Esther Perel, a sex and relationship therapist, bestselling author, and podcast host Where Should We Begin? here are some relationship killers:

There’s a lack of enthusiasm
A key breakup worthy is having a chronically ambivalent partner or being one yourself. They may say they can’t live without you but then never actually commit to living with you. This push and pull will erode your sense of self-worth and fill you with self-doubt.

You are never satisfied
Another reason couples implode: One or both members feel a growing sense of disillusionment. If you find yourself consistently making petty comments to your partner, belittling them, or pointing out their every shortcoming, this may be a sign that you are trying to sabotage or escape your relationship.

Promises go unfulfilled
When you’re with someone who likes to make guarantees but breaks them repeatedly, that’s a sign they will likely never keep their word.

The effort is one-sided
Does your bond only exist because you do all the work? Do you make all the pans, ask all the questions? If so, your significant other is not carrying their fair share of weight. Of course, you can rationalize little moments of imbalance, but when you look back and add up the days, months, or years of evidences and it’s you who always makes the effort, it’s not an equal partnership. If your lover shoulders everything, it’s you who is being unfair and setting the stage for a breakup.

Big lies have been hidden
Wild as it may sound, confessions like “I had a child before we met” or “My father was in jail,” are not necessarily deal breakers if they are revealed in the early stages of a partnership. If the major shocker is hidden for a long time it can seriously erode your trust in each other. It can make the unknowing partner feel like they were lured into something.

You feel alone by their side
If you constantly feel lonely while spending time with your partner, they may not be providing you with the emotional support you need. It can be unbearable to feel isolated when your mate is right next to you. Rather than try to stick it out, realize that it’s more than possible to find someone who makes you feel more connected.

You just can’t forgive
In some relationships, one person may be unable to move past a breach of trust, even though both people have committed to working it out together. If you’ve had endless talks, swapped countless heartfelt apologies, or even gotten professional counseling but one of you just can’t let go or move forward, it might be time to cut ties.